Life is all about relationships,
love, safety and respect.
- Most clients achieve their coaching goals in just 3-6 sessions!
- You’ll make fundamental changes within your relationships.
- You’ll invest in coaching once, but take tools away for life!
Do you Demand or do you Request?
This therapy is aimed to listen to each other with respect and empathy The beautiful idea that we understand each other without words is unfortunately rarely the case. It is often much more effective and loving to speak from the “I” shape, while expressing what the perception is/was and what this feeling did to you.
With pure communication you give each other the opportunity to respond to a request with a yes or no.
It is a totally different communication if we demand instead of make a request. Often we think we made a request but the request is often not really made and still sounds as a demand. When hearing a demand we can only defend (fight) or accept (powerless). There is currently no more open communication. There is a power struggle.
Unfortunately, this often occurs between partners while this is not the intention. By touching on each others sensitivities the power struggle is getting more intense and love slowly turns into irritation and detachment.
For pure open communication you give each other the opportunity to formulate a request by getting in touch with the need. It always provides an opening to understand each other better.
During the sessions we also try to find out what the need is behind the behavior. By discovering this from each other, a world of understanding opens up, and the connection can be felt again.
You see this in many family situations. The parent claims the child that he/she has to do something which the child will resist generally. The more this happens the more the child develops an aversion to doing something when demanded. The word ‘should’ gets a very negative connotation.
Why is it for parents / partners so difficult to make a request and tell from which feeling and what need this question had arisen?
If you are impatient a demand is a very short and direct path. But if you take a little more time than you will notice how the contact with your child / partner will improve. You get real contact. Sometimes a demand is a necessity, but very exceptionally, and even in this case you explain your needs and feelings behind the demand.
The principle is that you first become aware of the reason behind your request, what is your need? If you know your need and open up and tell about your need and feelings you give the other the opportunity to respond from his/her own feelings and needs. The result is a pure communication. Even if the other does not grant your request you maintain the communication and can continue the conversation at a later stage.
In the beginning this is quite difficult but after a few sessions, it is increasingly clear and you can help one another to apply it.
If you have entered a conflict situation then I can help mediate via NVC to get closer to each other and find out the real need and feelings behind the words.
See the beauty behind each others words!